informed: the new normal
a resource page for teens (& anyone else who needs to know)
Most of us learn when we're young some idea of the Golden Rule: Treat others as you'd like to be treated. But as we get older, it's easy to forget with everything else going on in life. Parents don't always talk about relationships and dating, but learning how to move from "just friends" to something a bit more complicated can be... difficult.
Relationship violence is defined as "when someone resorts to a pattern of violent behavior by means of verbal, physical, or sexual intimidation to gain power and control of a partner." It can be obvious or subtle, but do know that it is NOT OKAY.
First of all, do know that however unfair it may seem, the majority of people who perpetrate relationship violence are men. Society sends so many mixed messages about what it means to be a man--however, violence is never one of them. Websites such as The Good Men Project are geared towards all sorts of issues modern men face, focusing on positive solutions to real problems (including those that are sometimes difficult to ask).
People of all genders in relationships can manipulate and intimidate, so consider the idea of a Dating Bill of Rights-- What do you owe to your partner? What does your partner owe to you? The link provided under the text also has a "How is your relationship?" quiz.
No relationship is exactly the same, so sometimes it's hard to determine what's healthy and what is becoming unhealthy. LoveisRespect.org has a lot of great resources, including quizzes and addressing one of the most difficult topics one can face in an abusive relationship-- how to get out of one.
Remember that this is tough stuff, but it's important no matter who you are to realize that dating violence can have long-term effects on your mental health, so it's important to find someone who can help you whether you are an abuser or the abused. Violent cycles tend to repeat themselves-- you can be the end.
Over 40% of high school students have experienced dating violence...
It's easy to be anonymous on the internet. It's even easier to be mean to people you can't see face-to-face.
It's kind of empowering to be able to browse the internet and be whoever you want to be. It's also way too easy to forget that there are actual people behind those blogs, community posts, or email addresses. Depending on the study, between 20 and 40 (!) percent of middle and high school students have been victims of online harassment, whether social or sexual.
Know your rights! It's easy to feel helpless if you're the victim of online bullying or harassment-- responding (even calmly and logically) rarely works and it's so easy to spread information digitally. What can you do? As simple as it seems, one thing you can do is remember (hey, adults-- we're talking to you, too!) that sending a text, image, or email or putting anything on the web can compromise your internet identity. People lose their jobs (politicians included) for the stuff they thought was private... but was way too easy to share.
But let's be real: Sometimes we do things against our better judgement. Other times bad things happen with your personal information and images that were meant to be private. While there is no real way to completely eliminate an image once it is out on the web, there are legal means you can consider for both sexual harassment and bullying on the web. It's kind of boring, but to see laws on the books about cyberstalking and cyberharassment in your state, go to the National Conference of State Legislatures's information page and go to your state.
Also know that if you are under 18, someone distributing a photograph of you in a sexually compromising position is considered pornography, so legal action can be taken. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Isolation is worse than embarrassment and much more damaging long-term (even though it may not feel like it at the time).
What about the Internet?